random scribblings..

i've always been an open book, telling people around me what i feel, what i think about anything, everything at most moments....well, amy and hoon shien can attest to that..hehe..

suddenly, i realized that it's getting harder and harder for me to express myself to others. sometimes, facing the blank post, i'd scribble something then delete it because i'm quite uncomfortable with the idea of baring myself..thus and therefore, there are many more pictures in my blog than there are long posts. sometimes, i'd just rather keep my thoughts to myself of stating it out. only a very very big issue would propel me to state my comments on it.. it has come to such extent that my coll medics thought that i am quiet.. hahaha.. that's quite disconcerting because i've never been quiet in my whole life. i've always been opinionated and quite vocal as well..

i wonder why the sudden change? sign of growing up or sign of inconfidence?

somethings are better left unsaid, i agree. saying it would just make the situation worse, if you can save yourself that, may as well not say anything. and some thoughts you just want to keep to yourself to savour and think and re-think. there's no need to tell someone what you think if it's irrevelent to what's happening at that moment. i used to think that if you Have to tell people what you observed or think though it's irrelevent, you are just inconfident of what you've thought and that you wanted affirmation that what you think is correct. and some feelings you just want to keep inside you instead of hashing it all out e.g homesickness, worries, anxiety. maybe it's because i feel that i should give myself a chance to deal with my feelings and problems first before letting other people know. besides, sometimes the feelings are so illogical that looking back, you'll feel like an idiot for having expressed that..or maybe i'm just deathly afraid of being judged now for whatever i say or do? hmm...maybe.. maybe keeping something to yourself and making a decision for yourself, you save yourself the scrutiny that you are subjected to if you had expressed it.

having said that, it's an irony that i'm posting this on my blog..*grins*