Will it still hurt if..

- it was unintentional?
- it was meant to be a joke?
- it was a white lie?
- you didn't know?

-random thoughts-

Accidentally in Love..

-counting crows-

=)

Teeth grinding...

I feel so constipated, torn, jumbled. feeling guilty yet bored. tired but yet cannot sleep. don't want to read but yet I still have to read.


There's still so much to cover but I can barely motivate myself to study anymore. The previous motivation that "I'll Fail if I don't start working hard" has worn out. I "si bak" liao.. I need some new motivation that'll make me dig in my heels and persevere for just another week...... arrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............

After that, there'll be loads to look forward too..

- Party..party..party..party..party..party...
- Sookie coming (yay!)
- Belfast perhaps (?)
- John's & Clare Mayball
- Garden Parties..Cumas, Cumsa
- Loads of free time and chances to go London to shop/eat/shop/shop/shop/shop/shop

note to self: Persevere..persevere..persevere..and cut down on chocolates as well...

*fat and pimply face gazing at the screen*

Catches you unaware

Do you ever get moments when you suddenly feel as if you don't know yourself anymore? That you no longer have any idea about what you want, why you are doing what you are doing; all the perceptions, principles, standards that seemed so clear to you just while ago now strikes you as false. You feel disconcerted like having the rug pulled under your feet.

"Wasn't it like this?"

"Why does it feel so weird?"

You take a while to regain your bearings and try to re-understand things that you thought you already understood. You try to re-trace the previous path to reach your previous conclusion but you can't. Something has happened that made you see/sense something new that no matter how hard you try to lie to yourself that previous conclusions are true, They are Not. It's a rude awakening. Things which you assume that were true are actually not. *ice-cold water splashed across your face*

Disconcerted. Disillusioned.

Confused. Yet again.

Anatomy of the Bumps..

Over the past week/S or so, I seem to have accumulated quite am impressive number of bumps and bruises all over my body. Never have I have so much bruises since I was a tiny tot walking on unsteady legs. Sigh..and they stay so long with me that I am tempted to give them names already. Well, they Are a part of me and I should respect every part of me (?) [Oh well, guys perhaps would understand about naming body parts? *wink*]

To give an inventory:-

- bruise on the medial side of my right knee. cause: fell down on stairs in Norway. duration: more than 2 weeks
- bruise on whole kneecap of my left knee. cause: fell down during Frisbee at a Wet pitch. Duration: less than a week
- bruise on my right toe. cause: shoes is too tight, ran around too much. duration: a month
- bruise on my left toe. cause: same as right toe plus stepped on several times. duration: similar
- bruise on my left temple. cause: open the cupboard while leaning too near. duration: yesterday

key:
level of worry increases with colour depth

*downcast*

That's 6 bruises. 6 bruises. I never sustain so much injury in my body before. Alright, i am A girl lar. Give me a break here. I don't do much sports, contact or otherwise.

sigh. I Should stop being such a klutz.

'Tis the Exam period..

When:-

- The usual " U alrite?" greeting is turned into "How's the work going?"
- Most people on Msn are "away" or "busy"
- Eating either microwaveable food or hall food
- Getting very acquainted with the food selection in M&S or Sains
- 6 packets of various half-eaten/half-opened cookies in your room [brain food/comfort food?]
- The library is packed, i mean Packed.
- People start to be nortunals, friends disappear...
- Most conversations turn into "How's the format like?", "How do you do that?" instead of the usual "Who's with who now?" etc..
- Conversations are kept brief and TO the point.
- People walk around with a glazed look in their eyes and eyebags underneath

But on the brighter side,

- There are tons of Frisbee games
- People cheering each other on to study =)

Oh well, it's another month to go and it's back to Sunny Penang...

hang in there. there. there. there.

*bangs head on table*

Things on my mind.

Several thoughts have been circling in my mind for the past few days:

-Moments

-Escapism/denial

-Taking things for granted, esp people

-Dependence

-Pride, mine and others

-Circumstances

-Not Hurting others & myself

-Self-centeredness

-Privacy

well..that's it. All cleared out from my mind now.hee..will expand on them later when I am free-R. *grins*

p.s: there's nothing sinister there. no worries. =)