On a Bright, Sunday afternoon

Feel Free.. (to wear SunScreen)

I've seen this before but seeing it again just makes me loads happier! Thought that I'll put it here so that I don't forget it again. :)

Doll Face

I did it again

Last easter break, in the midst of the craziness of cramming for exams and fear-stricken, I went to Borders and got touched by a book. Tears fell and I came away from it a bit more reassured that if I failed my Tripos, I can still aim to be a good person.

The book was 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom and I blogged about it then.

Today's book was 'The 5 People You Meet in Heaven' by Mitch Albom. Yes, Again. Though, the reason that drove me to Borders this year was different. It was because my bedder needed to clean my room and Sidney library was full of hard-working, fear-stricken students. I simply could not find a seat *deja vu* I had no where to go for half and hour and decided to just drop by Borders. Perhaps, it is serendipity. Picked up Mitch Albom again and the recurring theme is 'How to lead a meaningful life?' And like the girl that never learnt her lesson, there I was with my pile books and silently trying to hold back my tears. Again.

Once is good as a well-learnt lesson and you feel special like you were touched by an angel. But, twice is Just...........painfully embarrasing. *winces*

Thank God, this is my last Tripos. Never again, I'll be driven to cry in a bookstore. *notes to self*

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On a totally separate note, it is a well-known fact that a hormone released during labour has amnesic effects on the mother. Therefore, she forgot the awful, body-splitting pain that she felt during the labour after sometime and thought confidently to herself, "Hey, that wasn't too bad. Let's have another go!" Then, she gets pregnant again and then the pain comes Again. And, memory is Always without fail, kinder than reality.

When I heard it, it sounds like Tripos to me. As in, Tripos is the Labour. Every year, Tripos pain hits! Around April, you wake up feeling fearful every morning and guzzles caffeine/lucozade/caffeine tablets and workworkworkworkworkwork. Sleeping is not an option and you feel heavier each day with the growing fear/guilt except that your head feels lighter from all the hair that you are shedding. You pray really hard and hope that God punishes you for your laziness in other ways than your Tripos. Perhaps, the hair can be sacrificed.

Then Tripos came and went. Hey, it's Mayweek, you come out in your sunnies and strappy tops, feeling the sun on your skin. Awesome! Mind-blowing fun! You go to Mayballs, garden parties, drink, party and be merry! Slowly, the funfunfunfunfunfun wiped out any memory of the pain that you suffered for Tripos.

Then, you start your academic year thinking, " Hey, bring Tripos on. I can do it and it wasn't that bad the last time'. And you doss around the whole of Michaelmas and Lent. Except that now is Labour/Tripos Time again.

"Uh oh, why was I so silly. Again? ", the little fear-stricken voice in your heart whispers.

In search of love

In light of the cruel massacre that hit the news today, I found an uplifting yet heartwrenching tale of unconditional giving and selfless love. Hope that this tale will soothe the angry and despairing heart over the ugliness of the human nature.


**Sacramento Bee**


It's a story about a mother caring for her young, cancer-stricken son through his pain-filled days till death. There are so many wonderful shots; the mother's tireless fight to make her son's few moments left on earth filled with simple joys such as racing down the hospital hallway and driving the car at 10 years old. The fight to live LIFE to the fullest in the simplest way is inspiring!

http://www.pulitzer.org/year/2007/feature-photography/works/index.html

Let the tears fall.

:)

In search of motivation...

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." - John Calvin Coolidge

Do you believe in immortality? "No. And one life is enough for me."

The question was asked of Albert Einstein and that was his answer. I lifted it from an article provocatively titled 'Einstein and Faith'. It's a good reason to procrastinate. :)

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1607298-1,00.html

There are so many nuggets of wisdom in that article but this particular question and answer has the most impact on me because it is Exactly what I believe and try to live by.

One life is enough for me. It has to be and it Will be.

*meant to be philosophical and not morbid*

;)

Since I am on the roll, might as well.

Taken in Fez, Morocco. I absolutely adore this picture! It captures perfectly the feeling that one has when one looks up at the Oh, so Blue! skies and sees the flock of birds flying overhead. This is what I call a moment, encapsulated. :)

For posterity's sake

As I can no longer relate to the younger me who wrote and designed this blog, I decided that it needed a revamp in image/content/motto.

However, as with everything that I needed to throw away, there is always a sense of nostalgia and unwillingness to part. Therefore, I decided to immortalise my previous description of my blog in this post as I think that IT truly defined what I felt then and what I still feel a little now.

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I am Not who I think I am.
I am Not who You think I am.
I am Not who I once was.
I am Not who I will be.
Take me as I am Now for I will change again.
Not good. Not bad. Just am.
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Ten Years Time

Do you have a vision?
Do you have a goal?
I'm watching you shrugging your shoulders, telling me you just don't know.
Do you get emotional?
Is there something you're passionate about?
I can tell that you're still searching, still trying to work it all out.
It takes time.
Take your time.
Mm mmm.
You will know when it feels right.

Where you gonna be in ten years' time?
And will you be happy with the way you've been living your life?
Will you be all right?
'Cause when you're looking back to now on the years gone by,
Will there be something that you say that you should have done right in your life?

What would you fight for?
For what do you stand?
And how would you go about it?
And do you have a master plan?
What are your demons?
And how much for your soul?
Or have you found religion and gone down that road?
I guess we all need something to believe.
Oh ooh oh.
Times haven't changed.
That's how it's got to be.

Where you gonna be in ten years' time?
And will you be happy with the way you've been living your life?
Will you be all right?
Yeah, yeah.
'Cause when you're looking back to now on the years gone by,
Will there be something that you say that you should have done right?
We're talking about your life.

Are you a dreamer?
Tell me all your dreams.
Can you say honestly what you want to be?
What would you do when your back's against the wall?
Would you stand on your two feet?
Would you admit defeat?
These are the times we need to be strong.
Don't you know? Don't you know that it's hard?
But we learn.
We find a way.
We got to find away to carry on.

Where you gonna be in ten years' time? (ten years time)
Will you be all right?
Tell me will you get it right?
Get it right?
Yeah.
Where you gonna to be in ten years' time? (ten years' time)
Will you be happy with the way that you're living your life?
Do you feel it'll be all right?
Be all right?
Where you gonna be in ten years' time? (ten years' time)
Will you be all right?
Tell me will you get it right?
Get it right?
Yeah.
Where you gonna be in ten years' time?

*sung by Gabrielle, a lot longer in the original version*
thought that it's appropriate since graduation is impending =)

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Random-ers.

not just another face.
wanting it to matter, to be tangible and permanent.
landed and grounded.
looking up and hesitating.
beautiful expressions, expressing beauty.
because it hurts.
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What makes me, Now?

was pleasantly surprised when I found out that my neglected blog is still garnering new readers. I thought that my blog would have curled up in a corner and died naturally due to neglect. I had Intended for my blog to die as I decided to be all grown up and stop spewing my feelings out in the open. How arrogant is That and in an ironic twist, immature! ;)

So, at this moment at 1.00am, I am resurrecting it again. *chants, rolls eyes heavenward, dances around a fire and thumps chest*

The reasons for resurrection are simple: my self-reflective memory lectures, Amy Tan's 'The Bonesetter's Daughter' book, missing writing so badly that it aches, needing to keep in touch. Whatever the initial reasons were, perhaps just sheer vanity, I am really glad that I decided to read it again. :)

The old posts allowed me to understand where I came from, who I was and how did I become who I am Now. There was a sense of connection and familiarity with this girl who was previously me, yet there was a sense of curiosity and unfamiliarity about her, the old me.

"What makes/made me, Now?"

My previous decisions/experiences made me, Now but my memories makes me, Now. Without memories, what makes a man? What could you base your current decisions on? There is no good/bad feelings to fall back on to make current decisions. Even our 'gut feelings' are based on previous experiences. Do we become friends because of the past we share? Do we still love each other because we remembered how it was like in the beginning? Do we become who we are now because our previous actions landed us here and now? Without the ability to remember or to keep memories, there is no continuity with the past and no continuity into the future. Ironically, my blog description is about taking me as I am NOW, it's all about making the most of A Moment.

A moment, encapsulated is perhaps what I was searching for. :)