Missing my girlfriends..

Sigh..that said, I miss Amy and Hoon Shien. All the funny, crazy, spontaneous things that we did in Ridzuan. All the silly conversations that we had about nothing and everything in general. All the looooong serious conversations that we had throughout the year; about life, about human nature, about ourselves, our doubts, our worries, our family, our expectations of ourselves, principles, ideas, ambitions.

slowly but surely, i knew more and more about each of you and me, you. We talk and share openly about things that we hold dear to our hearts. the connection and the understanding was so tangible that I could actually feel it. a tingling sensation followed by a sense of peace, of feeling safe and secure. and from there I learnt that I have two very solid rocks to fall on if any need rises. You guys would listen patiently and try to understand, and never ever judge. and would help me clear my confusion and my doubts and to help me understand what needs to be done. I remember how both of you sat through the Whole night with me to help me make up my mind whether to apply to Cambridge or not. I was So full of doubts then. and I cannot stop Thanking both of you for helping me to arrive to that decision. and there are so many times when you would put aside your work/priorities just to help.

and there were lessons to be learnt as well. Kindness, niceness, helpfulness.. all these I learnt from both of you. Some things that both of you said that I haven't had the wisdom to see then, I see and understand now. both of you are ever so willing to open up, to bring me into your lives, your past, your family. there are no barriers, everything and everyone understood each other and we could foresee what the other person would say or do. and we know precisely when anyone of us is in a bad mood and know what to do to cheer each other up. ice-cream, chocolates, pastries..normally do the trick..hahaha..but sometimes, there are things that goes deeper that need listening to and understood.

sigh. I miss the closeness, the ease. to just be there.

as much as I want to return to the days when we are That close, I can't. our lives are so different now, the people we meet, the new friendships that we start, the new experiences that we all share separately with other people. talking about it would add some understanding but Not being there physically and seeing for yourself, i could only just listen and try to understand but maybe not really truly relate. we could put in the effort, try to catch up with each other's lives but we are all living it separately. the distance would still be there but at least with effort we could close the gap. =)

new friendships are so fragile. there isn't enough time to build a past for the friendship to be based upon. there are still barriers, unspoken thoughts. a new friendship that you think would last sometimes would not. circumstances change and there isn't enough reason for us to try and maintain it. there was no past, hence no reason to put in the effort to close the gap. i used to wonder whether lasting friendships form by circumstances or by effort? How would you know whether the friendship is worth keeping if circumstances didn't allow enough time for the friendship to have a reason to be maintained? How could you just see someone and tell yourself that "yes, I want to be great friends with her."? For me, there must be enough opportunities or jodoh for the friendship to have enough time to grow. Enough time at least until there is reason to maintain it by effort. for me, lasting friendships are formed in the order of circumstances, then effort. and for the circumstances to happen, it takes a lot of luck and a HUGE does of fate just like love. ;)

which is why great friends are for keeps. especially girlfriends.