Waiting...

I waited, breathless with anticipation,
for It to happen, to come,
for all the excitement, joy, peace that It would bring,

It came but nothing was said/done,
Nothing was clear, doubts were still there,
peace was withhold, joy and excitement diminished,

I waited again, hoping that It would be different,
It came again but It is still the same,
Unspoken, undone,

Again and again, I waited,
each time with More hope than the last,
each time with More expectations than the last,

It came, time after time,
but yet It never fulfills,
Each time, there were More doubts than before,

I am tired of waiting,
It would never fulfill.

Missing my girlfriends..

Sigh..that said, I miss Amy and Hoon Shien. All the funny, crazy, spontaneous things that we did in Ridzuan. All the silly conversations that we had about nothing and everything in general. All the looooong serious conversations that we had throughout the year; about life, about human nature, about ourselves, our doubts, our worries, our family, our expectations of ourselves, principles, ideas, ambitions.

slowly but surely, i knew more and more about each of you and me, you. We talk and share openly about things that we hold dear to our hearts. the connection and the understanding was so tangible that I could actually feel it. a tingling sensation followed by a sense of peace, of feeling safe and secure. and from there I learnt that I have two very solid rocks to fall on if any need rises. You guys would listen patiently and try to understand, and never ever judge. and would help me clear my confusion and my doubts and to help me understand what needs to be done. I remember how both of you sat through the Whole night with me to help me make up my mind whether to apply to Cambridge or not. I was So full of doubts then. and I cannot stop Thanking both of you for helping me to arrive to that decision. and there are so many times when you would put aside your work/priorities just to help.

and there were lessons to be learnt as well. Kindness, niceness, helpfulness.. all these I learnt from both of you. Some things that both of you said that I haven't had the wisdom to see then, I see and understand now. both of you are ever so willing to open up, to bring me into your lives, your past, your family. there are no barriers, everything and everyone understood each other and we could foresee what the other person would say or do. and we know precisely when anyone of us is in a bad mood and know what to do to cheer each other up. ice-cream, chocolates, pastries..normally do the trick..hahaha..but sometimes, there are things that goes deeper that need listening to and understood.

sigh. I miss the closeness, the ease. to just be there.

as much as I want to return to the days when we are That close, I can't. our lives are so different now, the people we meet, the new friendships that we start, the new experiences that we all share separately with other people. talking about it would add some understanding but Not being there physically and seeing for yourself, i could only just listen and try to understand but maybe not really truly relate. we could put in the effort, try to catch up with each other's lives but we are all living it separately. the distance would still be there but at least with effort we could close the gap. =)

new friendships are so fragile. there isn't enough time to build a past for the friendship to be based upon. there are still barriers, unspoken thoughts. a new friendship that you think would last sometimes would not. circumstances change and there isn't enough reason for us to try and maintain it. there was no past, hence no reason to put in the effort to close the gap. i used to wonder whether lasting friendships form by circumstances or by effort? How would you know whether the friendship is worth keeping if circumstances didn't allow enough time for the friendship to have a reason to be maintained? How could you just see someone and tell yourself that "yes, I want to be great friends with her."? For me, there must be enough opportunities or jodoh for the friendship to have enough time to grow. Enough time at least until there is reason to maintain it by effort. for me, lasting friendships are formed in the order of circumstances, then effort. and for the circumstances to happen, it takes a lot of luck and a HUGE does of fate just like love. ;)

which is why great friends are for keeps. especially girlfriends.

i AM smitten..

Look!!Tom which is So lovable. I want a Pet NOW!!


Tom sleeps with his hands in the air.lolz..

oh..i DO SO WANT A PET.

Beautiful Country with even More beautiful women *wink*

In Uncle's house, Stavanger, Norway. -love the red-


Still Uncle's house. background pics, taken by my Uncle in China.


At the quay near Uncle's house with some children I managed to accost to take pics with. ;)


Still at the quay.


Happy family at the Mexican Restaurant. =)


At the Confirmation. Norwegians dressed in their traditional costumes


Me and Cousin. Party hats courtesy of party poppers


Sorry for the teaser. I forgot to take any pictures with any Chio Bu's there. There are some cute young blonde girls though. But do trust me when I say that almost all the women there are tall, slim and blonde. [no better tourism advert than this *grins*]

Happy.Happy.Happy

Dad, Me, Grandma in Bangkok City, Cambridge 


In front of Johns College

Digging myself into a grave...

I have SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much work to do...arrrrrggghhh!!!!!!!!

just to release stress. not to worry anyone. Brought this upon myself with all the procrastinating.. don't have to pity me. better yet, shout it to my face loudly, "Serves me right!" that'll be ideal..probably i'll start working consistently..*continues to moan*

on a happier note, will be going back to penang this summer. finally, i have decided and will pay for my flight ticket in a few days time. back to sunshine, wearing sandals and shorts, shopping in Vincci, Padini..etc, eating spicy food..*yum*, talking to my parents about nothing and everything in particular, meet up with friends- sec school, taylors, cambridge..etc.. and eat eat eat eat eat eat eat. how could i Not get fat when i return? the food is gorgeous and there's no cold weather to burn off my fat..sigh.. i am glad that i decided to go home after all the indecisiveness and the "i am tough, i don't need home persona." this is making me really really really happy!!! looking forward to tons of things!!

i am so Happy at the prospect at going home that i NOW wonder WHY in the first place, I could forgo going back. *puzzled* Haha..well i thought that i know myself well enough. Turns out, I have just been cheating to myself, i wouldn't exactly be miserable if i stayed back but i wouldn't exactly be happy either. Not being very true to myself am i? but then again, how many of us are actually true to ourselves? Do we really know who we are or do we only know who we want to be? that's a large difference, no? It's often easier to know who we Want to be rather than the former because truth hurts, especially the ones which we admit to ourselves. and we will struggle to keep finding excuses to keep the nagging feeling away that we are So wrong bout ourselves. well.. i am just speaking about myself. if you are remarkably well-adjusted and completely true to yourself, tell me which shrink you see ya? cause i think i need one.


sigh.lazy lazy lazy lazy. hate myself..uuurrghh.. lay ping, Study!!

p.s: it's the stress. i am normally a nice person to myself, aren't i not? Ping are you listening? I am, aren't i? Ping??!!!!..*grinning maniacally*

My first rose..

over Msn:
Kai Er: Go look at your plodge. I left something for you. It's alive!

Me: yay!! thanks loads!!

[puzzled]


buy me a rose, call me from work. [ Luther Van Dross] 


Wonderful Kai Er, so sweet of her.. 

*swoon*

Traditionally Cambridge; punts

Me and Daryl on the punt, courtesy of Punter with cap [yijin]


along the river, picture of St.Johns College


hauntingly beautiful


awwww...so romantic.

The best thing about Cambridge in spring is Not the mushrooming ice-cream stalls all over the place, is Not the beautiful flowers sprouting everywhere, is Not girls in short skirts [well, i AM a girl myself- couldn't care less], is Not the holidays, is Not the chance to see blue blue skies, is Not the chance to dump my thick jackets..

BUT to enjoy the river.. punt along the river. To feel the breeze blowing gently and you lean back and enjoy the scenery float pass you.. feeeling Oh so calm, peaceful and contented. with some strawberries and grapes in the punt.. and taking photos every so often and "Oooh" and "Aaaah" every few moments, as the Grand Johns College looms ahead just around the bend, the romantic Bridge of Sighs [imagine clandestine lovers meeting there for rendezvous *wink*] and the willows hanging down, surrounded by the river that looks deceptively clean.

well, i'd like to leave you with that calm image but.... for the more adventurous, punting is A sport. you'll have to come and try it for yourself!! *grins*