Farewell to my ex-roomies!

Night out at Miri Park.


The first night at Ridzuan, I couldn't sleep cause I was trying to sleep as neatly as possible-legs straight and together, hands by my side. I wore slippers to the bathroom. AND I actually wash my own clothes. I would wake up at the appointed time, sharp. I would try to laugh politely, you know, the "heeheehee" ladylike giggle behind the hand. (rolls eyes) I would mind my P's & Q's everytime I speak.

Towards the end, I slept with my legs wide open, arms flung out. I stopped wearing slippers to bathroom. No, I send my clothes to laundry, finally. I wouldn't wake up at the appointed time. It's always 5 minutes more! I am toooo lazy to wake up. I sent a sms to Amy telling her I wanna skip class, from my bed. She's in the living room. [curse of the sleep-lovers..] I stopped trying to laugh politely, it's Not me. I only do it now when I want to crack them up. *grins* I still do mind my P's & Q's.

They stopped becoming my friends a long time ago. We became family.




I miss them. Much.

new stuff...

I went to "ang ark" today, loosely translated from Red Box. For the first time, i might add. Yes, I'm a true and certified SPK. go figure...

Lessons Learnt

1) I am tone deaf. For those with good vocal chords, count yourself lucky. I can just sooooo see my dream of becoming Malaysia Idol go down the drain. Hah! snicker. snort.
2)It's a great stress reliever. try Aerosmith with a loud mike.
3)The mike gives you power and you feel oh-so-good. picture self on stage with thousands of adoring fans. ego boost, definitely. unless you can't sing like moi, then the mike "taunts" you. Wahhhhh!
4)For the chronically tone deaf, go with friends that can sing. At least you can sing along and WON'T be heard. teehee...

It is now raining heavily. I wonder if it's a hint from the One above. *grins*

(unknown)

I have to live with myself and so I want to be fit for myself to know.

I want to be as days go by, able to look myself straight in the eye.

I don't want to stand with the setting sun and think of things I have or haven't done.

I want to go out with my head erect.

I want to deserve all men's respect, I want to be able to like myself.

I don't want to look at myself and know that I'm a bluster, a bluff and an empty show.

I can never hide myself from me. I see what others may never see.

I know what others may never know.

I can never fool myself and so whatever happens, I want to be self-respecting and conscience free.

I remembered copying this down earlier this year but as with all my ridzuan things, it has been set aside. Chapter closed.

It can never be called a poem, no.. no such grand title for it. It's simple. no big fancy-pansy words. no stretching the poetic license. no beautiful imagery conjured. no melody to its words.

But.. it's relatable. Understood. to live by our conscience. to be true to oneself. to not make lies or excuses to oneself. to be respected and respect oneself. to have no regrets. blah..blah...

to be our own person and be proud of it.
How easy/hard is that to do. We have to live up to our family's expectations. to live up to our friends' acceptance. to live up to our society's perception. How much we've changed ourselves to adapt, to conform, to survive. Either willingly or grudgingly. It's after all for the best- safety in similarity, huh? (cynical)

Who am I?

How much is Me and how much is society's, friends', parent's?

Will I ever be only Me? Or is that too selfish, too egoistic...


p.s: Yesterday I was depressed, today I'm ponderous. Tomorrow, I'll be busy.