Changes, changing, changed.....

End of first term!!! Woohoo!! can't believe that eight weeks of utter confusion and blurness have passed.

seeing new faces, comprehending new accents, learning new traditions & rules, making new friends, understanding their quirks, trying to get to the correct lectures at the correct time, making my room feel like home, learning how to Not get lost in the town, knowing where's the best places to do shopping [*wink*], the best places to get good food;bonus if it's cheap as well.. [charlie chan dim sum.. YUM!!], keeping up with the offers in Sains, learning how to organise cookouts, learning about the college system, knowing where to go to seek comfort, learning.. learning..changing.. changing...changing..

Came here with high expectations and grand plans. wanted to learn and understand myself. I wanted to learn about life. to have long, deep meaningful discussions on things in general with good friends. to try out new stuff/hobbies and see how much I enjoy them and how far I can go in them. have Good fun and do utterly crazy, spontaneous stuff. I want to learn and grow up; and Enjoy growing up.

Taking stock:
1. I LOVE food. Eating. Talking about food. Thinking about food. Cooking. *grins*
2. music is FANSTATIC. [used to think that music is dispensable.*shocked*]
3. listen more.
4. stopped reflecting. *shakes head*
5. stopped having long conversations.
6. Bigger love for chocolates and ice-cream. *grins*
7. clubbing, shots, Bailey's. I like. heh.
8. weird accent when talking to angmors.


I have changed. It creeps upon on you unknown..suddenly one day, you just stop being the person you think you are.



*forlorn*




I miss the long, deep conversations the most. The really authentic kind where the connection and the bonding is actually so tangible that you get 'good' goosebumps. *faraway look*


Amy & hoon shien: late night chats till hoon shien falls asleep..
Sook Meng: 4 hours pg-kl/kl-pg bus rides.

Going Home...

I went back home this weekend.
and it's true.. when they say that it's the people that makes a place a home. I went to Nottingham, not Penang. [Amy, Hoon Shien, Yee Ping : THANKS!!!]

It was just like old times... chatting and talking to heart's content. Catching up on each other's life, understanding what's happening and what's important to them now. Their issues, their, worries, their way of life. Yes, we do have email and let's not forget the 'evil' MSN.. however nothing beats being 'live'.. there are things you can't see or feel through written words... the expression on your friends face.. their smiles..there are myriad different ones. Full smile, half smile, crooked smile, slight smile... all means different things. How can the One grin smiley in MSN substitute for all of that different smiles!?!? *baffled*


Asking questions and getting responses for all your silly, random musings... no matter how silly! Eating keropok and berkelah just like old Ridzuan times..Relaxing, being at ease with people you truly like and enjoy the company of.. hearing the same familiar laughter, seeing the same quirks...and, knowing that things still remains the same.. that the closeness is still there. It's definitely a comfort. Knowing that whatever happens, there'll be good friends looking out for you. That you are not alone.... and to push on with hope that you'll be as lucky second time around to be blessed with such wonderful, good friends.

Big, Silly GRIN stuck on face.

*SMILES*

Mis-adventures of Ping with Alfie...

It was a bleak 5 days. Harsh. Cruel.

I had no Internet for a FULL 5 days! Aghast? Shocked at how I manage to survive those hours? without MSN, without Hotmail, without Yahoo, without Google. No contact with the outside world. Though I admit ashamedly, it was my fault. First, trying to be sneaky and beat the system. Second, being ignorant. That's the best combination for digging yourself into a hole and not getting out. Trust me. The full story was that I downloaded songs for a day and for the consequent days, I stopped downloading. BUT... I forgot to switch off my programme whenever I left my Internet on. So in the course of a week, I managed to rack up 6 GB. It would have been fine and dandy if I had actually downloaded all of the 6 GB but only a small, tiny fraction of it was mine. The rest was all uploading. *Bawls*

Oh and it's not all. Somehow, I managed to get my IBM screwed up. That does take quite a bit of skill as reputedly, "IBM are infallible, never ever hang". I say give me an IBM and I'll screw it up in less than 6 months. They probably never considered a customer like me when they built it. I should volunteer for computer testing to save future idiots like me in the future, from the pain and fear that strikes us when computers go horribly wrong.

It hung. Badly. Everytime I click on an icon, the computer just refused to budge. It hates me. I knew it. From the way the green light blinks when I switch it up. Quietly seething with fury. Every night when I am sleeping, it's probably plotting how to make my life more miserable.

HAH! A mere machine can't defeat me. I've got the better of it. I reformatted it back to it's factory settings. Yes.. yes.. Now, it's as tame and malleable as a sheep, putty under my hands. Ahhhh....the triumph of man over machine. Sweet, sweet victory, nothing is more satisfying. *applause please*

and that concludes my Mis-adventures with my laptop. I should give it a name, it does deserve one for being such a persistent and strong fighter. Defiant, fighting till the last "bleep".

Alfie, maybe.. *wink* [Jude Law; salivate]

The end.

Disclaimer: take it with a pinch of salt. better yet, make it a bottle. *grins*

Gowns, Pennying, Formal Hall, Matriculation....

Me and Friends after Matriculation Dinner

Firstly, apologies! I haven't been updating my blog since I've arrived here. I'll admit, Laziness was a Big factor in not updating it, as gosh! I do spend enough time in my room to actually update it twice a day. [surprisingly!]

Let's see.... what have I've done so far...I 've shook numerous hands and introduce myself as "Ping" which defeats the purpose of painstakingly choosing "Maggie". Officiallly, "Maggie" is now obsolete. Sadly, It didn't have a chance to live before It died. *grins*

I've had my Matriculation Photo taken which is absolutely horrible. Terrible. Horrendous. Aaarrgh! They took 4 shots and chose the two best shots to be selected by us students and I don't look Normal in either one. In one I was looking sideways. Weird sideways at that, only my eyes moved. And in the other one, I was grimacing. Ouch.... So, conclusion was, I didn't have a good photo and am NOT going to pay ten quid for it, no matter how high the sentimental value is. [vanity has spoken.. *grins*]

Punting, rowing, bop's, formal halls in gowns, homesickness, salsa, clubbing, Sainsbury, McD, walking in the rain, cutting up cadaver, supervisions, flu, eating Chinese food, laundry and damp clothes, phonecall from Sandora [yay!], getting my half skeleton, speaking 'lah's & 'ar's, exploring, just chatting...etc.

It all seems so surreal. At that moment.

Taking it all in now, I realize that I am glad. Glad that I had some good times, some bad times, some "let me try this" times, some stupid times, some really lost times and some Brilliant times.

Yes, I am glad.

*smiles*

Farewell to my ex-roomies!

Night out at Miri Park.


The first night at Ridzuan, I couldn't sleep cause I was trying to sleep as neatly as possible-legs straight and together, hands by my side. I wore slippers to the bathroom. AND I actually wash my own clothes. I would wake up at the appointed time, sharp. I would try to laugh politely, you know, the "heeheehee" ladylike giggle behind the hand. (rolls eyes) I would mind my P's & Q's everytime I speak.

Towards the end, I slept with my legs wide open, arms flung out. I stopped wearing slippers to bathroom. No, I send my clothes to laundry, finally. I wouldn't wake up at the appointed time. It's always 5 minutes more! I am toooo lazy to wake up. I sent a sms to Amy telling her I wanna skip class, from my bed. She's in the living room. [curse of the sleep-lovers..] I stopped trying to laugh politely, it's Not me. I only do it now when I want to crack them up. *grins* I still do mind my P's & Q's.

They stopped becoming my friends a long time ago. We became family.




I miss them. Much.

new stuff...

I went to "ang ark" today, loosely translated from Red Box. For the first time, i might add. Yes, I'm a true and certified SPK. go figure...

Lessons Learnt

1) I am tone deaf. For those with good vocal chords, count yourself lucky. I can just sooooo see my dream of becoming Malaysia Idol go down the drain. Hah! snicker. snort.
2)It's a great stress reliever. try Aerosmith with a loud mike.
3)The mike gives you power and you feel oh-so-good. picture self on stage with thousands of adoring fans. ego boost, definitely. unless you can't sing like moi, then the mike "taunts" you. Wahhhhh!
4)For the chronically tone deaf, go with friends that can sing. At least you can sing along and WON'T be heard. teehee...

It is now raining heavily. I wonder if it's a hint from the One above. *grins*

(unknown)

I have to live with myself and so I want to be fit for myself to know.

I want to be as days go by, able to look myself straight in the eye.

I don't want to stand with the setting sun and think of things I have or haven't done.

I want to go out with my head erect.

I want to deserve all men's respect, I want to be able to like myself.

I don't want to look at myself and know that I'm a bluster, a bluff and an empty show.

I can never hide myself from me. I see what others may never see.

I know what others may never know.

I can never fool myself and so whatever happens, I want to be self-respecting and conscience free.

I remembered copying this down earlier this year but as with all my ridzuan things, it has been set aside. Chapter closed.

It can never be called a poem, no.. no such grand title for it. It's simple. no big fancy-pansy words. no stretching the poetic license. no beautiful imagery conjured. no melody to its words.

But.. it's relatable. Understood. to live by our conscience. to be true to oneself. to not make lies or excuses to oneself. to be respected and respect oneself. to have no regrets. blah..blah...

to be our own person and be proud of it.
How easy/hard is that to do. We have to live up to our family's expectations. to live up to our friends' acceptance. to live up to our society's perception. How much we've changed ourselves to adapt, to conform, to survive. Either willingly or grudgingly. It's after all for the best- safety in similarity, huh? (cynical)

Who am I?

How much is Me and how much is society's, friends', parent's?

Will I ever be only Me? Or is that too selfish, too egoistic...


p.s: Yesterday I was depressed, today I'm ponderous. Tomorrow, I'll be busy.

6th day of my holidays...

I am bored.
Iambooooorrreeed.
derob ma i.

(hmmm, maybe writing everything sdrawkcab will make my life interesting..yeah rite..misguided logic)

actually, on thinking back, I asked for it.
I refuse to do anything and everything remotely fun doing.... hmm, maybe...

hey... I don't have to continue this anymore. Malaysian Idol'd here... woohoo!
to liven up this sad specimen's life.

maggie/layping, maggie/layping, maggie/layping, maggie/layping...

simple as that, i AM confused. Should i use my painstakingly chosen English name (maggie) or use the name bestowed upon me by my parents?

option a: maggie

pros:it would definitely avoid awkward situation where I have to enunciate my name slowly again and again, or i'd have to spell it out. Better yet, i don't have to teach ppl to remember my name by: lay as in laying an egg except in my case it's ping pong for ping. sigh... every cute guy that i meet henceforth will then picture a hen and a ping pong when they see me. that's NOT good for my marriage prospects..hmm...no, not at all..

cons:i am betraying my parents hardwork in choosing a nice name for me. i'm sure they pored over tons of alternatives, play around with different names, and finally, FINALLY, after months, narrowing to only one. all that hard work down the drain. i'll also betray my heritage since supposedly lay is given by my grandparents.

option b: lay ping
pros: opposite to the above
cons: opposite to the above

so, all this is my only derivation from the psychological camp after having to face facilitators and peers that couldn't grasp my name. i'm sure people go like
"that's the girl.. what's her name?" or "gadis itu, apa nama?"
"sudah tak ingatlah..tak apa, tak penting.."

sniffle..sniffle.. i'm forgettable...just another nameless face in the crowd..and someday just another name in one of a million tombstones...

evil me....

i know.. i know.. i already had another blog site.
i wanna dump that one! this is prettier and nicer...
didn't i always say that i am fickle..:)